Top 10 things I learned from television

Link: King of Fools - Observing Television Violence.

This post at King of Fools got me thinking about what else I've learned from television and I thought I'd throw out a little meme.  (forgive me if this one has been done).

1. All cars blow up when they crash.  In fact when driving over a cliff they will almost always blow up in mid-air.
2. No matter how hard you hit someone in the jaw with your fist you'll never even bruise your knuckles.  Especially if you are the good guy.
3. If you are a different ethnic background than your companions, small, and scared.  You gonna die!!
4. No matter how slow you are, you should always run straight away from someone trying to run you down.  Obviously doorways, other cars, steel light poles, etc. will not help.
5. Dads are stupid, mom's are smart.  Although when dad's become grand-dads they very often get smarter.
6. No matter what keys you hit, the words on the computer screen will always be spelled right.
7. Not matter what's at hand the scientist can make a radio out of it.  Twice as fast if he/she is under 12.
8. Clothing will only rip enough to be provocative not revealing.  Except on Cinimax.
9. No nerd under 18 has ever seen a naked woman in spite of his Dad's Playboy collection.  Jocks start reading Playboy at 6.
10. Guns only jam at the most inopportune moment.  At which point it must be thrown at whoever you are fighting. 

I know there's more, but that's what I have off the top of my head.  Let's see what you've got.

Comments

[David Codrea]

When you shoot someone, the force of the impact causes them to fly through the air.

[owlish]

A really smart guy can hack into any computer system anywhere with only a few clicks on a mouse.

Everyone in high school is part of an easily identified subgroup- nerd, jock, goth, undercover narcotics operative.

Oh, and you may not get a knuckle bruise, but you may need to shake the sting out of your hand. That apparently protects against bruises.

[Richard G. Combs]

I'm game. Here are a couple of addendums:

5a. But grandmoms beat granddads if present. To simplify, women always beat men, all other things being equal. Tough.

6a. No matter what computer the hero is on or what network/computer she or he is accessing, anything that's really command-line input in a terminal window will instead look like great big blue text in a graphical environment instead.

OK, now here's your challenge: Post your favorite quote (preferably related to blogging or writing) at my latest post.